What to Say (and What Not to Say) When Someone Loses a Pet
Practical and emotional support tips for walking beside a friend after pet loss—from someone living it too.
Preface - A Personal Note
This post was originally scheduled to go out last week. And then Maisy died.
It’s strange—this was already on my heart to write. Almost like I was composing a letter to my own friends without knowing it.
Grief is weird.
It’s lonely.
It’s big.
It’s raw.
One of the things that usually brings me comfort when I’m grieving is sharing memories—but with Maisy, there aren’t many people who shared those memories with me. So this grief feels almost… private. Quiet in a way that makes it echo louder in my own heart.
I’m moving through it the best I can, one breath at a time. Every loss is different.
People keep asking why she died.
The truth is—I don’t know.
And I’m not sure it matters.
Knowing wouldn’t change the outcome. And I can’t live in the space of trying to solve something that can’t be solved.
But it does make me wonder… why is that always the first question we ask? Why do we think knowing the “why” will make the pain easier to carry?
I don’t have the answers.
But I do have this letter. And I still think it needs to be shared. Maybe now more than ever.
🐾 A Guide to Those Supporting a Friend Who Lost a Pet
Grief is hard. And grief around the loss of an animal companion often lives in the shadows—rarely given the space and compassion it deserves. I wrote this letter for those who want to support a grieving friend but aren’t sure what to say. Sometimes, the most meaningful thing we can do is simply show up with tenderness.
“The way to support someone in grief is to bear witness to their pain, not try to fix it.”
~Megan Devine’s It’s OK That You’re Not OK
If someone you care about is grieving the loss of their beloved animal, and you're not sure what to say or how to support them—please know you’re not alone in that. It’s not always easy to show up for grief, especially the kind the world doesn’t always recognize as valid. But it’s real. And it matters more than you might realize.
Losing a pet can be one of the deepest heartbreaks we experience. Our animal companions are often the ones we spend the most time with. They’re by our side in the quiet moments no one else sees. They love us without conditions or expectations. They become woven into the rhythm of our daily lives—so when they’re gone, everything feels different. Off. Empty.
For many of us, the bond with an animal runs even deeper than with most humans. So if your friend is struggling, crying, or not quite themselves, please know this is normal. It’s not “just a dog” or “just a cat.” It’s a soul-level connection and its loss leaves a soul-level ache.
You don’t have to have the perfect words. In fact, it’s okay if you don’t know what to say at all. But I’d love to gently offer a few things that tend to feel more comforting than others.
Please be mindful of phrases like:
“They’re in a better place.”
“At least they had a good life.”
“You can always get another one.”
“It’s all part of God’s plan.”
Even with the best intentions, words like these can unintentionally diminish the grief your friend is feeling.
Instead, try something simple and heartfelt:
“I know how much they meant to you.”
“I’m so sorry. I’m here if you want to talk or just be quiet together.”
“I’d love to hear a favorite story about them, if and when you feel like sharing.”
Sometimes presence means more than advice ever could. Let them cry. Let them grieve. Let them remember in their own time and their own way. Grief doesn’t follow a schedule and pet loss, especially, often goes unspoken once the first wave passes. So keep checking in. Even weeks or months later. That quiet remembering can mean everything.
If you’re looking for gentle ways to support them beyond words, consider lighting a candle in honor of their pet, helping them create a tribute, or holding a small goodbye ceremony. Some find healing in rituals like despacho offerings, death rites, or support circles like my grief group, Compassionate Paws. These simple acts can bring profound comfort.
I’ll leave you with one of my favorite lines from Megan Devine’s It’s OK That You’re Not OK:
“Grief is not a problem to be solved. It’s an experience to be carried.”
Thank you for being someone who helps carry the love and the loss. Just by showing up with your heart open, you’re doing something deeply meaningful.
Warmly,
Melissa
Animal Intuitive & Holistic Pet Health Coach
I’m Melissa, an animal communicator and energy healer with a diverse background in holistic animal health. I’m passionate about helping animals live their best lives naturally, and I share insights from my own experiences with my seven dogs and four cats on our farm sanctuary.
Thanks so much for reading! I hope the tips in this article were helpful for you and your animals. If you'd like to learn more or connect, feel free to visit me at calmingcreek.com.
I’d love to hear your thoughts, so don’t hesitate to leave a comment or reach out.
Disclaimer: The information shared in this blog is for educational and informational purposes only. I am not a veterinarian, and my services are intended as a complementary practice to support your pet’s overall well-being. They are not a substitute for professional veterinary care, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult your veterinarian regarding any medical concerns, conditions, or treatments your pet may require.
I am so sorry about Maisy and I totally relate. That familiar lump came back into my throat reading about her and reading your entire post and then came the sobs. Fur balls and feathered babies have carried me through 73 mostly really tough years of my life . I would not have made it this long without them . I wish there were support groups out there on Substack or blue sky. I don’t do any other social media platforms. There is nothing in person anywhere around me either. So you’re right, it’s an extremely private and agonizingly lonely time. I’m glad we can at least share our feelings here on Substack. I am really sorry that you’re hurting so much and wish there was more I could do.
Very helpful